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By: Barbara Ashcroft B.A.M.ED.
“Few things are more delightful than grandchildren
fighting over your lap.”
Doug Larson
What a great time of life!
Finally get to play again, dress up, get down on the floor
for games (on my good days), giggle, tell knock-knock jokes,
take in a Disney movie and then send them home! Can’t
get much better than this. Grandkids light up your life. They
bring out the kid in you, think you’re cool, love you
unconditionally, and don’t mind listening to your stories
over and over again. They brighten your day when you’re
feeling down. They even “cheer” when you drop
in. They make great welcoming committees.
According to the Vanier Institute of the
Family, older Canadians (76% of those 65 and older) have grandchildren,
and most have more than one. Today’s grandparents live
longer and experience a longer duration of grandparenthood
than ever before. Many grandparents live into their grandchildren’s
adulthood. Grandparenting is another opportunity for us to
connect, build relationships and make a difference in the
lives of others.
Grandparents can be a wonderful influence
in the lives of their grandchildren. We may provide additional
adult role models for them, act as resources for information,
give practical advice based on true life experiences, provide
them with a sense of family history and continuity and become
their confidants. We can also tell them some pretty hilarious
historical tales about their own parents which they love to
hear.
A grandparent may be a great emotional support
to a grandchild. With our lives now hopefully less hurried,
we are able to offer quality listening time to the growing
child, and provide ongoing encouragement and assistance with
their schoolwork, their social issues and their insecurities.
Grandparents make great cheerleaders. They can foster the
child’s positive qualities, and show a little more patience
with them, since they don’t have to spend their whole
day with them. Even grandparents who do not live in close
proximity to their grandchildren may keep up a close relationship
through a continual communication exchange. It’s the
constant interest and support shown that counts. If we establish
positive relationships with our grandchildren in their early
years, and keep the open communication going, this bond may
continue into the teenage years when a third party ear and
respected voice may be very helpful as the adolescents begin
to assert their independence. These same teenagers can also
keep us up to date with new trends and changing cultural ways.
Becoming a grandparent involves a great
deal of personal growth. Grandparents can sometimes get themselves
into trouble with the parents. There really is no manual for
grandparenting. When your first grandchild is born, you just
want to get your hands on that beautiful baby. You forget
that this little one is not yours. This can be especially
difficult for grandmothers. One really never stops being a
mother. It can be quite a confusing time trying to figure
out your new role. New mothers need support, but may be very
sensitive to any suggestions that grandmothers make as they
may perceive the suggestions as criticism. Parenting practices
and styles, as well, change over the years and the generations
may view child rearing quite differently. Most grandparents
want to help, but often may be confused as to how to do this
without potential conflict. The Vanier Institute notes that
“the grandparent role is characterized by complexity.
In a sense it is more complex than being a parent because
it involves more people (adult children and children-in-law,
as well as another set of grandparents).” It appears
that there really is no clear description for the role of
a grandparent and that most “individuals negotiate roles
within a wide range of possibilities.” (J. Rosenthal
& J. Gladstone, 2000)
The best role for grandparents to play is
one of support, both for their adult children who are now
parents and also for the new grandchildren. It takes time
to adjust to the new role and to work out how that support
can best be provided to meet the needs of everyone. Let the
parents know you are there and then wait to be asked. Some
grandparents today may find themselves in a primary caretaking
role for their grandchildren. Most grandparents, however,
don’t seek out this role, but agree to provide this
level of support out of some financial difficulties being
experienced by the parents.
Grandparents can be an inspiration to their
grandchildren. When my own grandmother was on her deathbed,
I remember telling her that I wanted to be just like her some
day. She had a very independent spirit, great drive, and always
found a way to overcome life’s hurdles. Her photo is
a constant daily reminder to me of that strength and attitude
that I so often have to call on. My own children valued the
time they spent with their grandparents. They often speak
about Grandpa’s laugh, his gentle spirit and his woodworking
toy projects. My son became very close to my Mom when she
was in her wheelchair for nine years, as he lifted and toted
her around in his car. My daughter use to keep her paternal
grandmother company on many occasions when she was alone.
It is this contact with older grandparents that also provides
the younger generation with a sense of respect for the aging
process.
Grandchildren give us a sense of immortality
as we think of our personal and family line being continued
through them. This is a comforting thought as we begin to
think about what legacy we will leave to the world. In the
meantime, grab as many hugs and cuddles as you can get and
don’t miss this great opportunity to get silly, play
like a kid again, go to the park, eat ice cream, swing on
the swings and then send them home to their parents! Enjoy
a soothing cup of tea, in your own peaceful and quiet space,
smile and be thankful for the wonderful gift of your grandkids.
Permission for reprint of
this article is given with the inclusion of this statement:
Barb Ashcroft offers JOURNEY TO JOY SEMINARS and private
consultation for parents to assist them in raising
children of character and to support them in enriching their
family life.
Contact Barb at 905 814-6434 or barb@barbashcroft.com.
Check out her website http://www.barbashcroft.com.
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