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by Kathy Buckworth
Folklore would have
it that Little Boys are made up of Snips and Snails and other
less than desirable character traits (Puppy dog tails? What
kind of a sick freak makes up a children’s rhyme like
that?), while saintly Little Girls are said to be composed
of Sugar and Spice and EVERYTHING nice. But as a mother of
both boys and girls, my personal experience tells
me that it’s not always true – at least when it
comes to how they all deal with Mommy. With most girls, no
matter Big or Little, the Spice to Sugar ratio can be wildly
out of whack. It’s Little Boys who know how to turn
the sugar on.
I often joke that my five year old son Nicholas
is my boyfriend – partly because he’s so darn
cute and about the only person who kisses me right on the
lips – and partly because he says the nicest things
to me. To be fair, I’m comparing him to my eight year
old daughter Bridget who has a knack for, well, being a girl
and telling it like it is. While this honesty will serve her
well when she has to deal with a boyfriend herself, frankly
I could live without some of her input. Some of it is definitely
NOT NICE. The difference in Little Boy/Little Girl behaviour
occurs quite frequently. Like this discussion we just had
at a fast food lunch:
Bridget: Mom! Aren’t you breaking
your diet?
Nicholas: Oh my god Bridget! Mom’s so skinny! She is!
Bridget: Not if she keeps eating McChickens.
(See? He’s not only lovely, he’s smart too because
he knows I’ll forgive the expression of “OMG”
because of what followed it.)
Or this lovely exchange the other day:
Bridget: You don’t have wrinkles everywhere
Mom.
(Short pause while I silently ponder “who asked?”)
Bridget: Just on your face.
Nicholas: But she still looks younger than Dad, right
Mom?
(I’m actually not, so that one was
particularly good. Only way it could have been better is if
Dad could have been standing right there. I’ll just
publish it.)
Sadly, all Little Boys get bigger, and my
fourteen year old son conveniently demonstrates that that
all pre-teen behaviour is something to be cherished while
you can. When these lovely little fellows dive into the hormonal
teenage abyss they decide overnight that they certainly do
not want to marry you, and that you are also quite possibly
the most annoying and stupid woman on the entire planet. How
do I know this? As an experienced parent, I draw on my keen
observational powers. Witness the eye rolling, the palpable
condescension, and the subtle avoidance techniques he deploys
when I enter a room he happens to be in (leaping over couches,
darting around corners, cowering behind kitchen counters).
Also remarks like “Mom! How come you have to be so annoying?”,
and “Are you stupid?” The charm and sweet-talk
they honed in their kindergarten years is simply going to
be redirected to the next woman they want to kiss on the lips.
I can live with that.
Besides, what is a Snip anyway? And why
are poor innocent Snails given such a bad rap? I quite like
them myself. Had some in garlic butter last night as a matter
of fact. And yes, that was breaking my diet TOO, Bridget.
Thanks for asking.
Read Funny Mummy every month.
Visit www.kathybuckworth.com.
Kathy’s latest book, “Journey to the Darkside:
Supermom Goes Home” is available at bookstores everywhere.
Watch Kathy on Slice Network’s “Birth Days”.
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