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Does that hurt?
The other day we drove by the hospital
where my youngest was born. Now five, he has been dutifully
filled on how babies appear on the outside of their Mother’s
stomachs (thank you teenage brother). He looked out the window
at the site of his birth and asked me “Mom, does it
hurt when the baby comes out of you?” Hmm let me see.
“Hello, YES!” I think the ferocity and the volume
of my response caused him to have a little accident in the
van. Still, he recovered and after two minutes of silence
he announced, “So that’s why Dads don’t
have them.” Yes, at this tender age, he had developed
the great male skill of stating the obvious. While we as women
can shake our fists as the universe and ask “Why us?”
I think Nicholas summed it up entirely by his determination
that if it is painful, men will find ways to avoid it.
I’m not sure when it happens, but sometime between the
“tough boy” age of five, and middle age, men seem
to go from being able to withstand a full force soccer ball
to the head to coughing pitifully at the first sign of a cold
and draping themselves dramatically on the couch, asking not
so subtle questions about the affects of pneumonia and looking
longingly at the remote control across the room. While I’m
not someone to throw childbirth up as the epitome of pain,
these guys have to be a little naïve to think that it
isn’t at the back of our minds, all the time, every
time they slam a door on their finger (child’s play),
or even have a slight stomach cramp (“oh, does that
feel like your insides are being ripped out?”). But
it’s not just physical pain that these crafty fellows
are masters at avoiding.
Childbirth aside (which is quite easy for them to get out
of) there are other “painful” things they actively
dodge, such as having to deal with elementary school politics,
actively not engaging in any fundraising chair position, explaining
to a teenage girl why underwear from a discount store versus
a trendy mall store is perfectly acceptable, and having to
make nice with THAT woman down the street. So I say the only
way to get some retribution is to have them share the second
most painful physical affliction women endure…waxing.
From the eyebrows to the legs and that vital part in between,
there is no more voluntarily painful exercise that we undertake.
Why don’t men wax on a regular basis? There are unibrows
and sweater-worthy backs out there screaming for it. And of
the ones who do wax (male models, and um, Antonio Sabato Jr),
why is it that they are ridiculed instead of revered? Join
my “Make Men Wax” movement – if we start
here, we can claim ownership of the equivalent of a female
“Brazilian”. Think how proud they’ll be
yelling “I am Canadian” at their next boys weekend.
Take some painkillers, boys.
Kathy Buckworth’s new book,
“Journey to the Darkside: Supermom Goes Home”
is available a bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com
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