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by Kathy Buckworth
“I’ve been playing Lego Pirates
for an hour now, and I’m ready to impale myself on tiny,
plastic, two inch sword.” So started an email I wrote
to a friend after being perched on the hard as hardwood floors,
playing with my five year old son as he and I struggled through
a day of near-flu-like conditions (you know – too sick
to go the gym, but not sick enough to pop down to the neighbours
for a jewellery sale.)
Kids love the idea of being sick, and missing
school, I think in the same way that we sometimes pray for
a low-grade fever the day we’re supposed to head for
our in-laws for a special family dinner. The idea of not leaving
the house, snuggling up on the couch, watching television
for hours on end, and avoiding what can only include some
sort of grading system, seems hugely appealing. Children loathe
to be sick on a weekend, of course, as it seems like such
a waste when they could have been getting out of Grade 9 Geography.
But if you’re a stay at home Mom (or work from home,
like I do), this is the BEST time to be sick.
During the week, if you’re sick, and
the kids aren’t old enough to go to school, you don’t
have anyone to call in sick to, so you’re usually stuck
“managing” them from the couch as you shuffle
through all of the same duties you normally have. If they’re
older, and all of them are in school, it’s still hard
not to feel guilty about the laundry not being done, the dinner
not being prepared, and the house in a bomb-blast state, when
the kids and Dad arrive on the doorstep and wonder what the
heck you’ve been doing all day, because you seem fine
now.
It’s best to spring the runny nose, blurry eyes and
pale skin on a Saturday morning…just before the rounds
of hockey practice, dance class, grocery shopping, birthday
party attending and general chauffeuring of children begins.
All you need to do is draw enough strength to write up a list
for Dad to follow (here’s a hint – if you tell
him to drop a kid at a birthday party for two hours, it is
VERY important to tell him to also go back and pick up the
same kid), tell the kids they have to be Daddy’s helper
(just like they’re Mommy’s helpers during the
week. Uh huh.), and lay back and listen to the sounds downstairs
of:
- “What do you mean it’s
your turn to bring snack? What does that mean? Can we take
a box of cereal? What…and a drink? Grab that bag of
milk.”
- “Where’s the card
for this gift. You usually make one? We don’t have
time – let’s just make sure to yell out our
name when they open it up. They don’t open them in
front of everyone?”
- “Sure you can wear your
“indoor shoes”, whatever that is. You’re
going to be indoors at the indoor playground after we get
through the slushy parking lot, aren’t you?”
- “You’re hungry? Don’t
you get your own breakfast? You’re four, right?”
- “We have to pick up who?
Do I know this kid? Is he the one who bites?”
- “Your mother promised to
do pottery painting this afternoon? Hmm…I heard that
place burned down last week.”
- “What do you kids want for
dinner? It’s special night with Daddy so you get fast
food. I know Mom doesn’t allow it, but we won’t
tell her.”
Let them get away with it. You’ve
still got your bed, your book, and hopefully a door you can
lock. And you’re not the one sitting on the basement
floor playing “Sorry” for the 14th time just before
packing up and going to Grandma’s.
Kathy Buckworth’s latest book,
“Journey to the Darkside:Supermom Goes Home” is
available everywhere. Read “Funny Mummy” every
month. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com
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