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by Kathy Buckworth
We all know we’re really supposed
to be the boss of our children, but in this era of “Helicopter
Parents” and overscheduled, pampered and prima donna
children are you truly running the show? Take this short quiz
to find out who the boss in your house really is.
1. When your 12 year old
child has a hockey tournament scheduled on exactly the same
weekend as your 6-months-in-the-making Dirty Weekend Away
with your spouse, do you:
a. Delete the email and disable the computer
and phone so your son can’t find out when/where the
tournament will be, and reluctantly inform him of the “missed”
fun upon your hangover-ridden return
b. Convince a team-mate’s parents
that your child will be a welcome addition to their road
trip (neglecting to tell them about that pesky lice condition
which just came up)
c. Tell him about the tournament and let
him know he could go if only Granny weren’t so selfish
with her dialysis appointments.
d. Cancel the weekend, take him to the
tournament, cheer at every goal, stay in the world’s
crappiest motel room in Upper Armpit Ontario and then tell
everyone you had the best time. You and your husband can
have sex next year.
2. You have five minutes
to get out of the house and drop your 2 year old daughter
at the babysitter before your overdue hair appointment. She’s
just fallen asleep and is showing the first signs of a cold.
You decide to:
a. Slip a warm hat, sweater and boots on
her before she wakes up and whisk her into the car, willing
her not to cough until you’ve left the babysitters.
b. Snag a passing neighbour into coming
into the house and watching TV for an hour while your daughter
catches up on some well needed sleep.
c. Call the hairdresser and arrange for
another appointment later that day – and throw in
an extra couple of highlights just because.
d. Cancel the hair appointment, dump a
box of L’Oreal on your head and pray that the lighting
will be dim at the gala dinner tomorrow night. And look
how sweet she looks sleeping there…
3. Your five year old is
having a screaming fit in the Wal-Mart about the $50.00 piece
of crap toy he desperately wants you to buy:
a. You say “No” and leave the
store.
b. You say “Ask Daddy when you come
here on the weekend”
c. You say “Yes”, put it in
the cart and then take it out at the checkout when you distract
him with a 25 cent lollipop
d. You say “Yes if you’ll just
shut up. But only this one time.”…“And
don’t tell your Dad”
4. You’re at a “kids
invited” dinner party and your children are the only
ones not interested in the movie in another room that has
the others quiet. You:
a. Lead them back into the movie room and
tell them that their alternative is sitting in a dark room
upstairs that you’re pretty sure the Rottweiler never
goes into.
b. Pour yourself another glass of wine,
tell your husband to just deal with it, and not to return
to the dinner table if he’s bringing those rats with
him.
c. Tell them if they’ll be quiet
for just half an hour longer they can stay up for an extra
hour and candy tomorrow night (you’re lying, FYI)
d. Explain to the other dinner guests that
your precious children are not entertained by mindless spoon
fed drivel and that they should be more than welcome at
the dinner table with the adults as part of their developmental
skills training.
5. Your Grade 1 daughter
comes home with a flyer and a request for parental volunteers
for a field trip – tomorrow – the same day you
have arranged to catch up with an old girlfriend over a liquid
lunch in the trendy restaurant du jour. You:
a. Continue planning your hot outfit and
your hangover remedy
b. Call your husband and guilt him into
doing “just this one trip that means so much”
c. Reluctantly promise in lieu, to attend
the school’s spring play the following week (where
none of your children are performing, but want to go to
see their best friend speak 2 lines) which you had previously
slated for a fake flu night.
d. Call the girlfriend, set another date
6 ½ months away at a suburban chain restaurant five
minutes from your house, and call the teacher to help organize
the snack drill for the trip.
Assign yourself the following:
For every
a: 1 point
b: 2 points
c: 3 points
d: 5 points
4 points: Yay – you
win. You are the boss and you have a life. Rock on girlfriend.
5-8 points: You’re
still strong and managing to stay in control most of the time.
Take a swig and erase that little twinge of guilt. You’re
almost there.
9-12 points: There
is a shadow of your former life left. It’s not too late.
Save yourself. Cancel that volunteer session at the school….now!
13+ points: You’re already wearing
the clothes they like, cooking the only food they’ll
eat, and believe that the words “Yes” and “Only
for you darling” are appropriate in any situation. Make
a note in your calendar in 17 years to call your friends for
drinks, and to have sex with your husband.
Kathy Buckworth’s latest book,
“Journey to the Darkside: Supermom Goes Home”
is available at bookstore everywhere. Watch Kathy every Friday
night on Slice Network’s “Birth Days”. visit
www.kathybuckworth.com.
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